by r.s.

Dear Home Depot:

I saw a couple of your newest television spots and I disapprove. These spots feature scenes of earnest homeowners completing home-improvement projects intercut with close-up shots of employees wiping dirty hands on their aprons, placing cans of paint on paint-splattered shelves, etc.

I know what you're trying to do. You want me to think that your store is a place for honest labor and hard work, where I can turn to your honest, hard-working employees for all of the advice I need.

I don't buy it. When I finish a project, the place is clean like a fucking IKEA catalogue. So therefore I won't buy a goddamned thing from your dirty-ass store.

Thank you for your kind attention.

I remain,

r.s.